Seven Moments of Ross

Photo & Text CC 2012 by MJ Vilardi, Creative Commons – 
May be shared with attribution

6. The Two Sams 

by MJ Vilardi

After Antioch I settled in Washington DC, working first at a news magazine, then a TV station. Ross was a frequent visitor, swinging through on his way to or from Oregon, Scotland, Connecticut, and other places. Eventually he decided he liked the place and moved into an old row-house just down the street from me. He occupied the first floor apartment; there were two other rented units above him, and the basement was occupied by a cranky old alcoholic, Sam, and his quarrelsome family. The landlord, who must have been insane, had anointed Sam as the resident manager. Chronically unemployed, Sam always had time to mess with Ross, whom he called "MistaROSS." 

            At any odd hour of the day or night Sam would appear, frequently without knocking, which could be quite startling. These intrusions would often occur in the early hours of the morning, like the time Ross was in a fugue state with his pixieish girlfriend Beverly curled around him. "MistaROSS! I TOLD you about keeping that music down!" Beverly jumped like a scalded cat, knocking over glasses, bongs, and other remnants of the night's revelry.

On such occasions Ross would get steamed, but he hated direct conflict. With his friends he used passive aggressive barbs and jibes, but that kind of subtlety was lost on Sam, who would just stare at him with glassy eyes and emit fumes.

            One day Ross acquired a very large black sheepdog – too big, certainly, for an apartment, and maybe too big for anyplace. He was a cheerful, slobbery dog. Ross named him Sam, and immediately called me over for some playtime.

            "Here Sam! Come 'ere Sammy!" We threw him a tennis ball and, overjoyed, Sam zoomed to the front of the apartment, then scrambled back. All the activity (including no doubt the sound of nails on hardwood) brought Sam up from his lair. Ross was delighted to introduce his new animal companion. The two Sams studied each other.

            "Why'd you name him Sam? 'Cause he's black?" It was hard to tell if Sam was offended or honored. Two days later Ross left the front door open and Sam ran out into 15th Street and was killed. (Sorry about that part).